30 Things Akashi Seijuurou is Not Allowed to Do
by Keripik Kentang
Summary: There's 30 things that I must obey. / AR, crack, anyoneXAkashi, mainly KuroAka, slight AoKise. / M for implicit adult scenes and cursing.


**A/N: My first english fic. Please bear with my grammar mistake, English is not my mother languange.**

 **Beta: Lotus Nghtshade**

 **Disclaimer: Kuroko no Basuke (c) Tadatoshi F., Sexy and I Know it (c) LMFAO, Demons (c) Imagine Dragons, Harry Potter (c) J.K. Rowling, Despicable Me (c) Sergio Pablos.**

 **.**

 **.**

I'm Akashi Seijuurou, the only son of the Akashi house, and the heir of my father's company.

I'm 17 years old boy, an absolute one. But, I do have some things that I never allowed to do to keep my family's dignity.

There's 30 things that I must obey.

1\. I am not allowed to eavesdrop.

("Aominecchi, stop touching me th—aaahh..."

"Shut up, Kise. Just lie down and let me do it, will you?!"

"..."

"A-Akashicchi?!"

"Geh—Akashi?! Since when—"

"Oh, please don't mind me. Continue.")

2\. I am not allowed to blame others for my actions.

("Midorima-kun, why do you do this?"

"Believe me, Kuroko. I don't even know when did you bought your milkshake. I'm not the one who spill it into your bag!"

"Just tell Kuroko the truth, Midorima."

"What the—Akashi! What are you talking about—"

"Midorima-kun... **you. Are**. **Doomed**.")

3\. I am not allowed to correct older people, even if I know I am right.

("You're wrong, Nijimura-senpai."

"But it must be A! The number of x is 2, so the answer is A!"

"You. **Are**. Wrong. It's 23 so the right answer is B. Redo it.")

4\. I am not allowed to walk away when someone is talking to me, because it's rude.

("Akashi-sama, what do you think of me? Am I cute?"

"No! I'm the cute one, right Akashi-sama?"

"You bitches, I need to talk to Akashi-sama!"

"No way! Tell me Akashi-sama, which one of us that can be your girl—Akashi-sama? Where are you?")

5\. I am not allowed to refer to myself as the future Overlord.

("I'm absolute."

"No you're not."

"I'm your future overlord, Tetsuya."

"No and never.")

6\. I am not allowed to call some girls insane or delusional, to their face.

("Akashi-kun, did you see that?! Tetsu-kun is smiling at me, right?!"

"Stop being delusional, Momoi. He's smiling at me.")

7\. I am not allowed to kick people, even if I think they deserve it.

("OW! What the fuck are you thinking about, kicking me right in the ass?!"

"You and your disgusting porn magazines deserve it, Daiki.")

8\. I am not allowed to wear black suit with black fedora and sunglasses to class and shout "Long live our Evil Mastermind!" to my homeroom teacher, just because I think it's funny.

("Aka-chin, why are we wearing mafia suits?"

"Because my words are absolute, Atsushi. Now look, our dear homeroom teacher is coming. On my count. Three... Two... One..."

 **"LONG LIVE OUR EVIL MASTERMIND!"** )

9\. I am not allowed to give Ryouta a flea collar, just because I think it's suits him.

("Happy birthday, Ryouta."

"Uwaahh! Thank you very much, ssu!"

"Yes, yes... Now open it."

"Of course! I'm curious what Akashicchi got for me~

Lalala...

...La?

...Uh... Akashicchi, I think you bring the wrong box...?"

"I'm not, Ryouta. That's the exact gift I bought for you yesterday."

"But—a flea collar?"

"It suits you, Ryouta."

"So mean!")

10\. I am not allowed to stand at the school's gate and demand a password from both students and teachers for them to get out, and laugh when they cry because they can't get home.

("Aka-chin, I need to go to the nearest candy store~"

"Enter your password, Atsushi."

"'I love Aka-chin!'"

"Nice one, but wrong."

"Eeehh~?"

"Dammit Akashi, screw your password—Mai-chan is waiting for me!"

"Enter your password."

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE DIFFERENT TREATMENT?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE PASSWORD-SHIT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!"

"Enter your password first.")

11\. I am not allowed to know the locations of anyone's secret diary but my own, unless I have sufficient blackmail to get out of trouble for it.

("'Wednesday, April 4th. Dear diary, these days I feel so happy because Tetsu-kun always smiling at me. He's soooooooo handsome when he did, and don't forget how kind of him for buy me popsicle. I love Tetsu-kun sooo muuchh!', such interesting diary, Satsuki."

"Akashi-kun HOW DID YOU FOUND MY DIARY?!")

12\. I am not allowed to go on and on about how great my ass looks in my training pants, because no one cares.

( _"When I walk in the spots, this is what I see..."_

"..." "...huh?"

 _"Everybody stops and they're staring at me,"_

"...what the hell..." "Oh my god, stop it."

 _"I got passion in my pants, and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it—"_

"...I think my sight is getting worse..." "I agree, Midorima-kun."

 _"—I'm SEXY and I KNOW it!"_

"Someone, call hospital right now. Akashi has gone mad.")

13\. I am not allowed to command my slaves to tell me I'm pretty.

("Tell me I'm pretty."

"Seriously, Akashi? Did the doctor hadn't find any cure for your crazyness?"

"Tell me that. **I'm**. **Pretty**."

"Uh... Oi, Tetsu, say something!"

"Fine, Aomine-kun, but first..."

 _-kiss-_

"Akashi-kun, you're not pretty. You are **damn tempting**."

 **"TETSU GO GET A ROOM!** ")

14\. I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my hand and tell everyone it's a new dark mark.

("I'm going to join the dark side."

"...Akashi, this is Kuroko no Basuke, not Harr* P*tter—"

"This is my dark mark. I need to go. Come with me, Midorima. We're going to kill the dark lord and get the title."

"So I'll be the dark lord too?"

"No. You'll be the vice dark lord.")

15\. I am not allowed to walk around the house naked, even if I think I'm the only one there.

( _"When you look at me, look into my ass~_

 _It's where my demons hide~"_

"Um... Akashi-kun? Did you forget about me? Stop walk around naked, your ass is for me only.

Oh, and I think the right reff is 'look into my eyes'. Stop messing the lyric.")

16\. I am not allowed to tell the second and third strings that sometimes the Titan of Teikou likes to eat people... Weak people.

("Well, good job, everyone—"

"Psst, look—it's Akashi, the first string captain!"

"Wow, he looks so cool when he dunk! I want him to teach me..."

"SSSHH! Shut up, guys! I can't hear his words properly!"

"—I believe, someday all of you will be able to catch up to the regular's ability. However, if you remain at this state, I'm sure the Titan of Teikou would like you as their dinner. They like weak people after all."

 _'WHATTHEACTUALFUCK?!'_ )

17\. I am not allowed to wear Momoi's uniform and make up and then tell Kuroko, whilst sobbing hysterically, that Midorima is a pervert and that he made me dress up like this.

("Who did this to you?"

"*sob*—a-are you going to—*sob*—believe me?"

"Akashi-kun, I'm the only one who should have the privilige to dress you up, especially with sexy Teikou female uniform. This is not my work so I will believe you. Now, please stop crying..."

"*sob* I-it's... M-Midorima..."

 _And then the Green-head screams loudly._ )

18\. I am not allowed to tell unattractive people they are forbidden to procreate.

("..."

"Stop staring at me, Akashi!"

"Shougo... it's been one week since the last time I saw you but you have changed a lot... I mean, uglier than before."

"Hah! This is what people calls 'trendy'! Ma face is none of ya bussiness, shorty!"

 _-twitch-_

"Mind to repeat it, Shougo?"

"Keh! S-h-o-r-t-y~"

"Well, please keep in mind that you will never be able to procreate. I'll do it slowly.")

19\. I am not allowed to take pictures of myself while showering and then sell them to the female population of Teikou.

("What the fuck is that, Satsuki?!"

"Eh? It's Akashi-kun—"

"I freakin' know if that's Akashi picture, but why do you have his naked picture?!"

"Uh... He's not really naked, Dai-chan—"

"STILL! How can you be this pervert?! I thought you like Tetsu!"

"I'M NOT PERVERT! I LOVE TETSU-KUN! I BOUGHT IT BECAUSE I NEED TO INFORM AKASHI-KUN THAT SOMEONE HAS BEEN SO PERVERT THAT THEY TOOK HIS PICTURE WHILE SHOWERING!"

 _If only you know, Satsuki. If only you know..._ )

20\. I am not allowed to set people on fire.

("Ngh—stop it, Akashi-kun..."

"Mmnnhhnoo..."

"We're still in school—ugh—we need to stop..."

"*lick* dhon wangaa,"

"*sigh* You're the one starting it, Akashi-kun.")

21\. I am not allowed to ask Nebuya-sensei what's the square root of -1 is.

("Nebuya-sensei, can you tell me what is the square root of -1?"

"...Akashi, you of all people should know that I'm not your math teacher."

"But you said you know everything! Please tell me, or else I cannot sleep tonight!"

"Listen brat—"

"Pretty please?"

"...fine. I'll try to solve it. Now stop making that face, you're turning me on.")

22\. I am not allowed to trip people, and then tell them it was fate that they fall.

("Who tripped me?!"

"Now what is it again, Daiki?!"

"Someone tripped me just a second ago, Akashi—"

"Then it was fate."

"OI!")

23\. I am not allowed to tell Aomine that "once you go black, you never go back".

("Sunblock will never help you, Aomine."

"Shut up, Akashi!"

"Once you go black, you never go back. Blame your pigments.")

24\. I am not allowed to use my scissors to write "I told you I was hardcore".

("Now what do you have on mind, Atsushi?"

"..."

"Do you still think that I'm too weak to be your captain?"

"..."

"No answer? That's fine. All of these are intended for one purpose—

—always remember that I am absolute.")

25\. I am not allowed to spread rumours of Midorima's illicit relationship with his lucky items.

("Akashicchi, do you know who's Midorimacchi's girlfriend?"

"Of couse I do, Kise. But you need to know that it's "girlfriends". You must know them, Midorima brings them everyday."

"...wait, what?")

26\. ...Or Atsushi's with his snacks.

("Oh, there is a bonus for you—never tell anyone about Atsushi's cannibalism. He tends to eat his girlfriends in a few minutes.")

27\. I am not allowed to refer to myself as 'God', even if I have money, looks and lots of power.

("I am God."

"No."

"Satsuki, stop refusing the fact."

"I humbly apologize, Akashi-kun, but Tetsu-kun is the God for my heart.")

28\. I am not allowed to send letters to Mibuchi-sensei telling him that Haizaki has a secret undying love for him, even if the masochist-bastard does the same for me to Mayuzumi-sensei.

(""Mibuchi-sensei, I love you. Be my boyfriend right now. Haizaki Shougo"..."

"...whoa... Reo—Seriously? That Haizaki-brat? Are you sure it's not a prank?"

"Agree with Nebuya. I do think it's Haizaki and Akashi prank-war. There's one love letter for me, says, "Dear Mayuzumi-sensei. I know it's weird for me to write such a love letter in the first place, but since the first time I saw you, I always think that I might fall for you. Will you do the honour to be my boyfriend? Akashi Seijuurou"."

"...so what will you do, guys?"

"It's Shou-chan and Sei-chan's detention time~"

"Count me in.")

29\. I am not allowed to draw faces on pieces of fruit and then carry them everywhere, claiming that they are my evil minions and that together we will take over the world.

("I never know that you really likes to eat fruit, Akashi-kun."

"They are not just a simple fruit—they are my minions, Tetsuya. We'll take over the world, just wait.

"...this is Kuroko no Basuke not Despic*bl* M*, Akashi-kun..."")

30\. I am not allowed to sign my student council assignment with 'Super Sexy Sei-chan'.

("Haizaki..."

"What the fuck, Nijimura?"

"Can you explain why in every student council assignment is signed with "Super Sexy Sei-chan" instead of Akashi's usual sign?"

"Huh—WAIT! I'M NOT THE ONE TO BLAME—OW!")

So that is all.

But I know, there's one rule that I will never obey...

31\. I am not allowed to screw the rules.

—because I'm doing it anyway.

 **A/N: Personally I like number 14 the most. What about you?**


End file.
